Are you a perfectionist trying to “do the work?” Read this.

Once we’ve begun our healing journey and we start to feel better (whatever that looks like for you - happier, more alive, less anxious, excited about life, etc), it’s easy to feel like a “failure” when the “old feelings”  that we’ve worked so hard to get rid of start to creep back in.

Sometimes we panic: “Am I getting depressed again??” “Why is this trigger coming up? I thought I worked through this already!?”

Sometimes we feel disappointed: “Here it is again. I was doing SO good  “

Sometimes we enter a shame/depressive spiral: “ I’m not working hard enough. I need to be better about doing the work!

 A lot of perfectionist mamas feel this way. We try to “heal perfectly.”

 We think that if we do everything right, if we try hard enough, then it should all work out, right? If we start doing the work and still have painful, depressed, anxious, feelings we tend to regard the entire thing as a failure and blame ourselves for it. (I’ve experienced this professionally with my clients, and personally! You’re not alone!)

The irony of this is: the harsh criticism we give ourselves for having negative feelings is what keeps perpetuating the negative feelings!

So what’s a gal to do?

Practicing non-judgmental self-awareness is critical in these moments. Instead of panicking about the fact that you are sad or anxious and attaching judgment to it, practice just noticing it.

Something like: “Interesting, I’m anxious right now. I wonder what that’s about?”

TBH, I wouldn’t even jump RIGHT to doing something to get rid of the feeling, unless it’s a highly intolerable, distressing emotion like a panic attack. (In that case, definitely whip out a breathing technique!) But, if it’s fairly mild I would just…pause. Don’t read into it too much. Don’t immediately try to figure out the “why.”

Just sit with it. Just allow it to be with you. Don’t try to push it away, or “not think” about the feeling. If you find that the feeing subsides, hooray!

If the feeling persists, or nothing in your “toolbox” is working, schedule a check in with your therapist, or sign up for one of my coaching programs!