Hey girl. HEY, GIRL! Are you enjoying yourself? Maybe not right now, in this exact moment (Idk, maybe you’re at the gynecologist or something), but like overall? Are you enjoying yourself?
Because guess what? We can control that. We can control A LOT of that. If you’re not enjoying yourself and it’s something you have the ability to change, DO IT. At least, take the first step in doing it. This type of change doesn’t happen instantaneously, but you can at least tip over that first domino.
If you can’t change your circumstances quite yet, what can you change about the way you perceive them? If you’re having a hard time right now, what else can you channel your pain into? Remember: pain and suffering are NORMAL parts of being human; but don’t waste ’em, use ’em! Turn that crap into fuel to make you better, or stronger, or resilient, or productive, etc. etc.
Woe Is Me
On New Years night, while everyone else in my cabin was peacefully slumbering after an awesome NYE playing board games and being merry, I was WIDE awake in bed heading toward an anxiety-fueled pity party.
My tooth (or lack there-of) got me down guys, got me real down. Not just the not-having-a-tooth part, but the feeling that this almost 2 year struggle wasn’t going to end. Like, ” Wow. I am going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life.” (I clearly didn’t know if this is true or not, but in the moment it felt VERY TRUE.) The longevity of the problem + the correlating issues that accompany it (feeling self-conscious, in pain, not being able to eat freely in a restaurant, etc.) finally took their toll. Also, my sexy Invisalign-like retainer broke IN HALF in an airport bathroom on the way to CA for Christmas, so that was, like, a really great cherry on top.
I laid awake for THREE HOURS having the Golden Globes-after party equivalent of a pity party.
“Why me? Why isn’t this working? Why won’t my body heal itself? WHYYYYYYYY?”
See below for accurate portrayal of yours truly, at 3 am, on Jan 1, 2019.
I finally fell asleep after two melatonin, deep breathing exercises, and sheer pity-exhaustion.
WOKE IS ME
The next morning, I woke up. Not just in the literal sense (luckily that happened too), but I WOKE THE HELL UP. I WAS WOKE. I decided I was done letting my circumstances control me.
Was this due to the fact that I allowed myself to feel all the pity party feelings I’d been bottling up by saying things like, “It’s fine, everything is fine!” in my head for so long? Maybe, since I had finally let myself embrace the suck instead of denying how I was feeling, I could see the picture a little more clearly. (For explanation on this, see Life Sucks Sometimes, And That’s OK)
Maybe. Or, maybe it was because I rang in 2019 in bed with a solo pity party looking like a sad llama in a children’s movie, and that felt less than stellar.
Why it happened, I’m not sure. But I WOKE up and made a decision to not have another pity party again.
Instead, I decided, I was going to throw myself into something else, into other things. I was going to create some goals for the year, and I was going to achieve them. I was going to write more. If I got pissed about my health, I was going to go to the gym and use it to fuel my workouts.
To circle back to my original point (you thought I wasn’t gonna get there huh?), I realized I was letting this damn tooth issue keep me from ENJOYING myself. It was bleeding into other parts of my life, because I was allowing it to. I was making a choice.
Will I have bad days again? Absolutely. But the next time I feel a pity party coming on, I’m going to recognize that pain as something else: fuel. I’m going to make the choice, change the course, and hit the domino to send that energy towards something that will ultimately make me feel more fulfilled.
This way I’m still recognizing and acknowledging how I’m feeling, but choosing to do something else with it besides dwell on it.
We have choices in life. Sometimes, (albeit, rarely) those choices lead to instantaneous change.
However, more times than not, they are the first domino in a set of 100, and we won’t see change until that 100th domino falls.
But if we NEVER change our perspective, if we NEVER make that choice, the dominoes go untouched.
Then, before you know it, you’ll be ringing in NYE with a solo pity party wondering when you stopped enjoying yourself.
Don’t be that gal. Hit the domino. Start the process. Make the choice.