Healthy Rants, Episode 3: When people knock on the door when you’re in a public restroom

OCCUPIED!

One comment

Listen, I totally get that you’re trying to be kind and make sure no one is in the restroom. But you knocking and then IMMEDIATELY trying to open door just makes the whole situation A. pointless and B. anxiety provoking.

First of all, what exactly am I supposed to say once you knock?

“OCCUPIED!” (This is weird. No one actually ever says “occupied” out loud, I’m pretty sure they made up that word just for signs.)

“I’M IN HERE!”  (This is too informal and makes them sound like they know me. We are using the same restroom, we’re not cousins.)

“I’M POOPING!” (This seems like the best way to make them choose a different restroom).

The one I usually go with is **awkward silence and let them find that the door is locked**. But I always wonder if they’re mad at me when I walk out. I imagine them thinking, “Oh, so you WERE IN THERE. Didn’t you hear me KNOCK?”

Besides the anxiety of trying to figure out what to do when a stranger knocks on the door while you’re half naked sitting on a toilet, the worst kinds of knockers are the ones that try to enter IMMEDIATELY without waiting for a response. Like what kind of crap is that? You gave me a half of a millisecond to respond. I’m not even over the initial shock of realizing there is a stranger interrupting my toilet time, let alone ready to formulate words.

If you open the door whilst completing your last knock, your knocks have now been rendered completely effing useless. Give someone ample time to utter something awkward before you come charging in.

In conclusion, there are two logical options when trying to use a restroom where you are unsure if there is an occupant:

  1. Open that b***h up and if someone didn’t lock the door its their fault
  2. Knock and give at LEAST five seconds before attempting to open the door.

Everyone else spends this much time thinking about things like this, right?

 

Namaste

1 comments on “Healthy Rants, Episode 3: When people knock on the door when you’re in a public restroom”

  1. Hahaha “the anxiety of trying to figure out what to do when a stranger knocks on the door while you’re half naked sitting on a toilet”. I usually answer with a creepy “helloo0o?” (in a random accent) or “jesssSs can I help you?” (in another random accent). Makes it awkward for everyone .

    Liked by 1 person

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